Reflections and mixed feelings

Cass pointed out that this trip was full of emotions, and I couldn’t agree more. As much as I dislike admitting it, I’m very aware that I’m a sensitive person—and this trip was a little hard on me.

And since I’m someone sort of obsessed with making lists, here’s a list of thoughts, feelings, and conclusions drawn from this experience (in no particular order):

• Talking with Adriana about the lack of educational opportunities made me feel helpless. I myself am a product of financed education—thanks to the government, sponsors, and scholarship programs. I know how hard it is to have dreams and not know if you’ll reach them because of financial uncertainty.
• I felt uneasy about presenting to teenagers, but even though not all of them were eager to participate, I was surprised to find myself enjoying the dynamic. Who knows—maybe I learned that I could work with teenagers.
• Surprise again. I was really excited about hiking the volcano but fully convinced I’d do horribly. Turns out I’m in better physical shape than I thought.
• Torn between happiness and sadness—about the volcano, the kids… I love nature, but seeing so much trash was disheartening. It felt like the volcano had become a product—something consumed and discarded. The trash left behind reflected that.
• Saddened by the inequalities in choice, mobility, and life opportunities. Talking with the guides and one of the porters was probably one of those moments that will stay with me forever.
• Amazed—by the night sky, by everything Juanita and the girls and Mr. Paco Piña do, by all the things Adriana wants to accomplish.
• A little lost, too. That feeling of being tiny and helpless came up again. (Little propaganda moment: y’all should read my blog entry—Tourist on the Volcano, Outsider in the Story.)
• Privileged. I don’t think this needs much explanation. But I do think it’s important to recognize that we experienced the entire trip from a place of privilege—and even then, we sometimes felt things weren’t great or could have been better. Just imagine what it’s like from the perspective of the locals.