Vacation Journal Entry 3: Activity

I feel like I always get the balancing part of my life wrong. I have a severe case of lack-of-motivation-itis: A lot of times I can’t get myself to put in effort in anything. And I’m talking about school either; things I enjoy. I stopped writing, I stopped practicing drawing, poetry… all things that I enjoyed, I simply can’t do anymore. It just brings forth a feeling of futility; like, what’s the point in doing this. Which is a very dangerous mentality, because when paired with my already overly carefree nature, results in a “nothing matters” attitude to everything that always comes to bite me in the butt.

Balance, really, is the most challenging aspect of life for me. Sometimes I feel like just putting music on, or some stand up comedy, and doing nothing. In my heart, I know there’s more I want to do… but I can’t convince my lazy brain to do it. My extended essay, for example. I love my topic, but I can’t really get myself to work on it. I’ve been slowly developing it… but it’s depressing that something so simple is so hard for me.

So i’m making finding motivation my goal. It doesn’t come naturally… I’ll have to convince myself that I will indeed have a good time if I do the work i’m supposed to. Or at least, i’ll be happy once I’m done with it. If I can get myself motivated, I feel like a lot of my problems are going to be naturally solved; or at least opportunities to solve them will be opened to me.

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